So I get this really hateful anon message last night, which attacked my self identified bear status, for really no reason what so ever other than to make me feel bad. Anyway, I deleted the thing, because I didn’t want to see it, but it basically said that I’m not that hairy, I’m too fat, bla bla
and that I’m some sort of superchub and that I’m in denial because being fat sans muscle without a lot of hair will put you at the lower end of the gay social ladder.
The shitty part here was, I agreed with him regarding the last part, but for a different reason. In the gay world, you have three options: if you’re not hairy, you have to be skinny, complete with a clear and defined muscle tone. If you are hairy, you can simply set sail for bearlandia where you will be worshiped for your hirsuteness even if you have the personality of a paper clip. Finally, if you are a larger guy, hirsuteness is your only hope, that, and a serious gym membership, otherwise you’re the poor, baby faced fatty who should be grateful for anyone’s attention, even the pushy chaser.
Smoother fat guys do get attention, but usually its in a way that is fetishized, and after the other person has had their sexual desires fulfilled, buhbai, he gone, and you’re alone again. This is why so so so SO many guys who fit in this category have such horrible outlooks on themselves and their social and romantic lives. The are at the bottom of the gay hierarchy.
The obvious fact that we need to stop getting caught up on labels and be more inclusive aside, I’m here to say I’m not going to be that person. I was once, but never again. Despite the above, I’m not going to let a person’s myopic view on some gay label define how I look at myself. I carry myself well, I’m confident and content with what I look like, and that scares people. Despite what that anon thinks, and despite truth about less hirsute fat guys in the gay world, I have a large fan base, and a diverse one too. People like me for my looks and my personality, but overall I get the most compliments on my confidence. My confidence creates fear for a lot of people, hence why they resort to going on anon and attacking something as petty as the way I look.
So I’m here to tell all the smoother, fatter, less muscled gay guys out there, that you are desirable. Love yourselves. Be proud of yourselves. Soyez une libertine. Walk tall, with your head high. Crush the people who ridicule you for identifying yourself as a bear. Its our culture too, not just for the gym bunnies and the hairy guys. Live it. OWN IT. You’ll be unstoppable for it.
Totally agreed, but you got me thinking about the fetishized attention fat guys receive…
I think that a lot of physical traits (hair, muscle, skin color, wear, etc) are also fetishized in the gay bear culture, but some of those characteristics don’t have the implied negative view that fat carries on socially, therefore, can go under the radar and not be recognized as “a sex thing”, disguised as aspects of the community, a mere question of taste. Perhaps to have the hots for hair is less “freaky” or “shameful” than to like just fatness, therefore, more acceptable? You put it quite well, hairless fatties are at the bottom of the hierarchy.
Though I recognize is not the case for all and everyone, nowadays I largely see the bear community as a highly fetishistic club for hair and bulk and forceful masculinity, with a lot of admirers and wannabes orbiting around, looking, desiring, perhaps having some scraps that fall from the table, but never belonging fully out of unavoidable genetic conditions, accepting lesser tags… I know that some individuals and even some groups try to enforce higher values of acceptance, openness, etc., and since I can’t deny I’m attracted to big guys, regardless of hair, I happen to have enjoyed the social aspects of the bear community, I made good friends there. But the sex craving, superficial crowd that is attracted by grouping and labeling people over external traits basically amounts to that. For them is all confusing that you identify as a bear, and they can’t separate the belonging to a social group from their personal taste or fetish that that group represents. It’s all too important that you match the preconceived idea of what’s desirable to belong, because that’s what actually attracts them there, that’s what they’re buying… For them is like having an apple in the middle of the oranges: unacceptable. Like in other areas of society today, what starts as empowerment and appreciation becomes objectification very easily… Perhaps people should learn to separate their sexual imperatives from their social identification.
This is quite troubling for people who wants to be accepted and recognized as individuals and human beings beyond their body. An environment like that can be too stressful and intimidating, and only aggravates the pressure over their looks the rest of society forces on them, specially when they’re not hairy enough, not muscular enough, not young or old enough, not fat enough, not skinny enough, or not whatever enough. Everyone will always be not something enough for someone else… That’s why being self confident like you are is so important, and I hope everyone could learn to be like you, I congratulate you for that, it’s really inspiring. Also, I believe the only way to gain that confidence is to take a step aside from this discussion, and try to enrich one’s life with things that go beyond what this environment enforces or focus on… Sometimes your body is what it is, like it or not, and what makes you a better person is elsewhere…
I LOVE what you’ve brought to the discussion and I couldn’t agree more!
#india you are literally too young to know either of these memes
why do old people drive slow they barely have any time left like GOOOOO ur dying
Thick or thin, muscular or no, if you have lumps and bumps where you think they shouldn’t be, if you think you’re too skinny or bony, I just wanted to let you know that you deserve to be happy and have someone love you.
You’re all human beings! Beautiful human beings.
Don’t forget that whether or not you think your body is the ideal body.
Your body doesn’t make you a Real Man, YOU make yourself a Real Man.
Now smile, you handsome thing!
this is honestly one of the defining moments of the last decade
Having five guys for lunch is always so good.